Choosing your wedding party can be a minefield. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.
So, we thought we’d write this post to help talk you through your decision. This process really doesn’t have to be as painful as you might imagine.
Let’s dive on in!
1. When You Know, You Know.
Many brides couldn’t imagine their special day without certain people standing there with them.
Maybe they’ve always been there for you? Perhaps they’ve been rooting for your relationship since day one? Or, maybe you’ve been lifelong friends.
Either way, if you’ve always pictured them being part of your wedding party, make sure they are! You don’t want to look back on your special day with regrets.
On that note, make sure you’re 100% certain with your decision before you ask them. Once you’ve popped the question to your friends/family, you can’t take it back- unless you want to create an exceptionally awkward situation!
So, take your time with your choices, there’s no need to rush. If you need help whittling down your wedding party, ask yourself; ‘will this person always be in my life?’. Then, take it from there!
2. Do You Have Any Expectations For Your Wedding Party?
When choosing your bridesmaids or groomsmen, you need to think about the sort of role they’ll have leading up to your wedding.
If you want them massively involved in the planning process, for instance; shopping, DIY wedding crafts, sending invites, etc. Then, you may be better off involving people that live close to you.
It’s unrealistic to expect people who live ages away to drop everything, to keep making trips down to you. So, be sure to set achievable expectations for your wedding party.
Or, assign jobs that can be done at a distance for those who live further afield. For instance; updating your wedding inspiration Pinterest board or, chatting on the phone about ideas for your big day.
Alternatively, you could send them DIY craft instructions. This enables them to participate from the comfort of their own home (you could even Skype each other while you’re both constructing wedding decor)!
3. You Don’t Have To Conform.
You’ll most likely hear things like; ‘don’t have more than X amount of bridesmaids’ Or, ‘you must include cousin XYZ and Aunt Sue’s little one should be your flower girl!’ The list goes on…
Do these comments from family members offering ‘help’ sound familiar?
Our response to all these remarks is, no. Period.
If you want 20 bridesmaids, go for it (mind you that would take a lot of time and organization!). However, if that’s what you want- do it.
You only get married once, make it your own. Don’t be dictated to by convention or pressurized by family to include people you haven’t seen in years!
Likewise, if you only want one bridesmaid say, a sister or a lifelong friend, do that. Being comfortable on your big day is so important.
Your wedding party is your primary support network for both your wedding day and all the surrounding preparations. So, make sure your wedding party does precisely that. They should be the ones you can rely upon to make your big day easier to manage.
4. Think of New Roles.
Don’t feel you have to cram all your friends into the wedding party.
There are loads of alternative roles you can give people. For example; reading a prayer at the ceremony, signing the register, etc.
Or, if you have any friends that are gifted musically you could get them to play a piece while the register’s being signed. Or, perhaps, you have a friend who’s a talented writer- could they write a poem to share at the reception?
There are plenty of alternative ways to incorporate loved ones into your special day. So, take the time to research these roles before you commit to your wedding party.
5. You Can Have Two!
You don’t have to stick to just one maid of honor or, one best man. Make life easier and don’t force yourself to choose between your two closest pals, have them both!
Like we’ve repeated time, and again, there are no hard and fast rules where wedding plannings concerned.
However, be prepared to give each maid of honor a list of specific duties. This reduces the chances of any awkward squabbles over who’s doing what on your big day.
6. Cut the Drama
Your wedding day isn’t the time for people to air their grievances with one another. So do yourself a favor and think carefully about who forms your wedding party- will all the bridesmaids get on?
Naturally, they don’t have to be best buddies. However, if you have one potential friend or family member who has a knack for rubbing people up the wrong way, cut the drama and don’t ask them to be a bridesmaid or groomsmen.
Instead, you should aim for a group of bridesmaids and ushers who’re friendly and approachable.
On the same topic of drama, try not to hurt anyone’s feelings. This can sometimes be tricky to manage.
In some cases, having fewer bridesmaids and groomsmen is the way to go, because you’re far less likely to upset anyone. Perhaps you could consider just opting for family or close childhood friends.
On the flip side, if you love the idea of having a huge wedding, and you’re mulling over whether to include a peripheral friend, it’s sometimes easier to adopt the attitude ‘the more, the merrier,’ rather than leaving them out.
We hope this has helped you to pick your own wedding party. If you have any further advice for our readers, please feel free to post in the comments; we’d love to hear from you!